Wednesday, October 12, 2005


It's been awhile since I blogged here.Yahoo is driving me nuts..But here it is.I'm going so many things right now.Trying to find me and think about who I am and what I want out of life.Well,I'm finding me more and more everyday.I love some me.

Monday, August 29, 2005

The High price

Have you ever wanted something so bad,you could taste it,or even lust after it in your heart?What about a person you thought wasnt worthy enough to have their love?What if you wanted their love,and said to yourself you will earn it or make yourself worthy..Well,this poem is for people who are worthy for anyone's love.

My heart only holds just enough,
For your essence of beauty haunts me,
I ache only just to grab a glimmer of your spirit
In my dreams,
I want to,
I want to,
I want to give,
But I don’t have enough,
Your love filters my being,
It surrounds me and completes my soul,
It reaches the deepest corners of my mind,
The affection from your soul warms my empty shell,
I want to,
I want to,
I want to give,
It’s just not enough
Wrap my arms around,
Feel the strength of my body protecting you
So delicate,
A white rose trodden upon
Yet too beautiful to abandon
Rich with exhortation
I want,
I want,
Your skin is so soft
Like cotton,
Like silk under my fingertips
I smell your honey-like scent
I’m intoxicated
I want to reach,
I want to reach,
The glow of your smile,
The sound of thunderous laughter
A whisper so sweet from your voice,
I tremble,
I shake,
I cry,
I want to make you mine,
Possess your heart, your soul your body and your beautiful mind.
You’re a priceless pearl.
Your price is too high,
I work,
I save,
I plan,
I prepare,
I will have enough,
I want to have enough
Your price, too high...
But not now
Do you hear me?
Do you understand?
Will you wait for me?
I saw your love
It called to my heart,
It wants me,
How can I get enough?
I don’t want to let you get away
God please hold on!!
In just a little while,
I may have enough.
God grant the strength,
Please hold on MY LOVE!!
One day, I will have more than enough.
Hold ON.
Will I ever have enough for your price?

Stephanie Renee Fuller
August 20,2005

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Just playing around

Hello cyber World.I'm still alive if you want to know.Just kidding.I'm cutting down on my on-line time to get my head together.I'm still here and will post from time to.I aint going nowhere.Just making Honey a lil more sweeter.Here's a lyric to think on..

I wish I could stay, you knew eventually I would walk away.
I wish I could have stayed forever.
Forever was not meant for us.
I’m letting you go to give you to fate once more.
Don’t try to hold me; it’s already hard enough
to say this bittersweet goodbye.
No more kisses, I need to leave now.
I tried to give you love,
You would not accept.
I wanted you to have my soul.
But, you weren’t ready.
My love was pure and true.
This love you couldn’t return.
I could only give what you would let me.
I wanted more, you needed less.
I can’t turn this emotion off like water from a tap.
Once it flowed, it wouldn’t stop.
There will never be another like you in my life.
For I swear this on my life, you’re the last man
I will ever love.
It’s was your to take.
Now it’s sitting on the doorstep of a heart desires
Collecting dust..

Another by Renee Childs
Copyright © Protected ®

Monday, August 08, 2005

While sitting in a daze,My good on-line friend Bonita is helping me to get my thoughts together.She is so cool,and so calm.I know she can get her danther up sometimes because she's Latin.But,she has more wisdom than most Bible Carrying Christians.Her daughter will be here soon,Niala.Her daughter will be a Libra like me.
I was upset earlier.I am what people will call High-Strung.I'm very emotional and my feelings get hurt easily.But her wonderful words of wisdom and love calmed my wild and weary soul.She just has that special touch.I'm grateful God let her cross her my path.I learn more and more about myself everyday from her.She allows me to be who I am without ever judging me.Sorry Mom,I found someone esle who knows just everything too.

I'm back

After lighening hit my pole and telephone line,I was cut off from my on-line family.While away,I did what I love to do.WRITE!!There is something about writing poetry and short stories that give me such joy inside.But I missed my group,Bonita,Icy,William,Wayne,Lou,Fabian,people who have become part of my family.But I like writing.I think I will start working on my novel.But check these poems out.

I felt Nothing

Your freaky eyes got me,
Even when I belonged to another,
You tall,
Sexy azz brotha,
Big feet and big hands
You came over,
Sat on my couch,
Played your game,
Ran your lines,
Kissed my lips,
Licked my breasts,
Sucked my nipples,
Rubbed my clit,
Made me wet,
Penetrated my vagina,
Ten inches of pleasure,
Ten inches of pain,
And I felt nothing.
Stephanie Fuller Copyright © Protected ®

Just Because I like to Fuck..

Just because I like to fuck
Doesn't mean I'm a ho
Just because I like to suck cock
Doesn't mean I want to see yours
Yes, I am proud ass freak
I like getting my freak on between the sheets
I like getting my thang with one and only one man though
My man
He's knows there more to me to see than pussy, ass, thighs, and tits
I am a whole woman with a strong mind and tender heart to match
He knows I'm strong enough to stand beside him when he needs me
Not just strong enough for sex squats
He know I'll have his chicken ready when he comes home
And not just my pussy ready in his face
He knows I can balance my own checkbook
And balance all his freaky passions when he desires
I don't want him for money, house, car or eight inch dick
He knows everything in our kingdom is ours to share
And everything that I am and everything I have is his
I need to fuck
I need to suck some cock
And I'm ready to ride my thang all over your cock
Cum inside
My needs are more than sexual
My man knows this
He satisfies all my needs as his woman
And he loves waking up with me every morning
Stephanie Fuller
Copyright © Protected ®

But I have serious stuff too..I'm working on some love letters to God.Stay tuned.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Restless in Alabama

I'm up late tonight.Trying to get somethings off my soul.I have a load of problems and I normally dont let thme bother me because as long as I can get up and smile,hug my boys,I'm going to be okay.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

How would you tell me?

How would you tell me you love me?
Will you handwrite it the sky?
Will you write a poem to me?
Maybe you’ll sing me a love song?
How would you tell me?
Would you keep me in suspense?
Make me even wonder if you plan to keep me
around forever?
Am I your last love?
Will my name be the only name you scream
when you make love?
Will I be the first thing you see in the morning,
and the last when you fall asleep?
How would I know?
Is your love real?
Is your love true?
Will you whisper?
Will you shout?
Will you even speak those words?
Maybe you’re write a note.
Maybe you won’t even say it at all?
How will I know?
Suspense is killing me.
Another by Renee Childs
Copyright © Protected ®

Sleeping Late

This is my first Sat off in a long while,well since my vacation.I havent even unpacked yet.I'm trying to clean my home.Listening to jazz always help me along in cleaning,but when I hear a favorite tune,I have to sit down and get lost in the mellow feel of it.I love Jazz.It's part of my soul.When I finish cleaning,I'm going to pay some bills and spend some time with my 3 boys.I have to have the growing up talk with the older two.It's kinda weird talking sex with my boys,but seeing is how their dad lives in another state and really isn't a big help when it comes to this,this is something that I have to do.I want a open and honest relationship with my boys.I want them to talk with me about everything,including their sexual feelings.So wish me luck!I'm going in later.

Friday, July 22, 2005

I Met a Man

I met Slowjiggy in a chatroom talking trash.I do this alot with men because it gives me inspiration when writing Erotica.Alot of the things he discussed sexually,was pretty wild.I knew I could write some good stuff with his adventures.Even though I saw him on messenger,I didnt hit him up because I knew he was a freak and I knew he would proably want that cam sex thing and phone sex.But,we continued to have hit and miss messages on the off-lines.One day,I was sick and decided to stay home from work.I saw his light on and hit him because I was bored.He answered.And instead of talking about sex,he talked about life and love.I found him to be very intriguing,intelligent,and his mind was amazing.He had a way with words that made me what to learn more.More about his life and life for a black man in Canada.We exchanged poetry and our yahoo personals profiles.But what really had drawn us together was our love for Jazz.I dont know what happened,something just clicked.We chatted from midnight to well over sunrise.He has a very complicated life involving his ex and all,but I was amazed it didnt break his will to go with his life.He sent me music,jazz of course,and talked about mailing me some of his tunes.Alot of that chat was sex talk and he nagged me about seeing my breasts.I gave him one peek,but because he knew I was uncomfortable about doing things like that on-line,he never asked again and said he would respect me like my father and brother did.I remember one night I had a date.But I couldnt get him out of my mind,I lied to my date just to come home early and chat with him.Again,it was from midnight to well over sunrise.This continued for days,weeks,and months.We exchanged poetry,music,and pictures,video clips that he made for me, phone numbers of course.He would make the most beautiful pictures of me.He was becoming my best friend,my rock,my shoulder.We had a strong and true bond of friendship.Our phone calls would start about 2 am until I left going to work.We talked about even meeting each other.Sometimes I wondered if these feelings were real.He touched me in ways no man ever had.

He warned me that he doesn't make promises and wouldnt promise me he wouldnt hurt me.He wouldnt even give me his word.I just had to trust the fact he cared enough about me not to hurt me and respect me.Since we had talked about meeting each other,I suggested meeting him in July because my vacation came first.He liked that idea because it was around the Montreal International Fest.Plus,we could chill and get to know each other.
I often doubted if he cared about me and wondered if it was just about fucking me.Was it about fucking me?The thought of this scared the shit out out of me.He told me certain situations in his life prevented him from giving his thrust for life and love to a relationship,and he wouldnt and couldnt give a woman all that she needs and and desire at the time in his life,and I respected that.But I still had back and forwardness.My fear of getting hurt again put a monkey on my back that wanted me to forget about him,and not travel to Canada to meet this friend who had became a large part of my life.Because something like working had alot odds against,slim to none actually.And even though he felt like he was letting me know how he felt about me though poetry,music and shared moments on-line,I still doubted and doubted.He made a DVD movie called "Poetry of a Freak".In it was captured clips of our moments together on-line and our poetry.It was pretty kool.It was the greatest gift a friend had ever given me.I bought a plane ticket for Canada leaving on July 5,2005.I was finally going to meet Jiggy.

I arrived in Montreal,Quebec,Canada around 10:55 pm central standard time.I was very nervous.I went to the ladies room and tried to relax.Then I went to call my mom to let her know I had made it safely to Canada,but couldn't find my phone card.I was killing time.I gave him the wrong time of my arrival and wondered if he was already here.So I went though customs,and followed the other travelers.When I got to the exist,I saw the biggest smile I've ever seen.There he was!I wore a pink dress because I wanted him to remember me in something pretty when he first laid eyes on me.Even though I was nervous,we greeted each other with kisses and a hug.I had stepped off-line into his arms.It was so natural and so right.It was a beautiful moment.When we arrived at his place, we just stared into each others eyes,hugged,kissed,and talked.I just keep on touching him,because I felt like I was in a dream.And even though there was a strong sexual attraction,the first night,Slowjiggy the freak,held me in his arms.And the next morning,he cooked me breakfast.

The week went by fast.Wednesday was the Jazz fest.We listened to blues,jazz,reggae,and watched how Canadians eat pizza.Fabian is so crazy!

Thurs was St.Joseph's Oratoire.It was beautiful.Even though I am afraid of heights,I flew 33,000 feet to fly to Fabian,I was scared of going to the top.It was pretty high.He had to coax me to go up and look outside on the terrace.I was scared.But he told to me realx and look at the beautiful around me.It was breathe-TAking.I could just see the entire city of Montreal.I will never forget it as long as I live.

Fri was Chinatown,Old Port Montreal,a SEX TOY SHOP,and his fav Jazz joint.Old port Montreal reminded me of being in France,even though I had never been there.It was alive with so much culture.One thing that I did that drives Fabian crazy is the way I take pictures.I like to take pictures of buildings and scenery.He believe people should be in them.But I still snuck pictures.
We even had a little on-line fun with our on-line friends from our yahoo groups who were shocked when they saw us together.He recorded my vacation,the first step of our journey into the unknown.I had a wonderful time,and his mom was a wonderful host.She and Fabian spoiled me.I found Fabian to be very kool and alot of fun.Whenever he bought us something to eat,for some reason,I always had to have the last bite.I had more sushi than he.Yuck!!There were some very tender moments.I got to meet some of his friends,his brother and sister-in-law,and even an ex-girlfriend.

Saturday,it rained,so we stayed in most of the day.I took pictures of him while he slept.His mom cooked a big dinner for me.Later,we went for a walk and we walked in the rain.We did alot of walking.I had so much fun walking and seeing the city of Montreal,I don't even thinks he realizes that.I fell in love with the city.Sat,we stayed up all night.We watched the video footage our my vacation and did other things too.This was a very hard goodbye for me,harder than what I thought it would be.Finally I had to get ready to to the airport.Then it was off to the airport,but not before a little more fun.I felt like I was leaving part of me behind.He's my best friend.He had bought me a poetry book with the poetry of Jill Scott and wrote a very tender note on it.I tried to be brave and hold back my tears.I didn't want his vision of me leaving Montreal to be of me in tears.
I waited until I got on the plane to read his note.Once in the air,I read his note.The Jiggy storm was coming to Alabama one day.I cried some because this moment we both had been longing for for months was now over,but a sexy tall,Brazilian guy kept me company,and yall know me.
I got back to Alabama around 10:45 central time.I arrived home before Hurricane Dennis came though.Fabian called to talk.He talked with my mom,brother,and sister-in-law.We just talked.Then lata,we hooked-up on-line,and picked up our relationship via yahoo messenger and webcam once more.It was harder even now that we had actually touched,kissed,and hugged.I was missing him already.
The next days were hard for me,but he always has a way of comforting me.He sent me a song as usual,and called me so I could hear his voice.So,even though this journey is complicated,and the unknown is of fear to me,I am determined to see where this journey takes me.

And by the way,I'm going back to Montreal next year for the jazzfest.Maybe I'll see Fabian again..